Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
