I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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