Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
