Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
