they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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