I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
