I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
