My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
