I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
