I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
