He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You ruined the universe
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
