I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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