That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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