i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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