i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
