I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
