She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
