Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
