I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My liver just had a heart attack.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
