cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
