is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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