what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
