Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
