We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
