If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
