the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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