Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
