I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
