After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
