this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
