It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
