I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
