she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
