Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i've created a new STD.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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