her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
