OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
