So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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