Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
