there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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