If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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