no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
