I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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