I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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