So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
