How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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