i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
