i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
