We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
