I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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