seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
