Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Randomize
