i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
