why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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